January 14

We dont need this to be happy


It is 9:30 AM, early morning for a weekend, I am sitting in front of a newly purchased adjustable standing computer desk (yes, im still using the desk sitting, right now) with less than a sip of water remaining in the glass water bottle and im too lazy to get that refilled even though im very thirsty rightnow.

Got a whole lot of things going in back of my mind: The work that i am yet to complete, the art course/courses i had enrolled last year but did not start, the language that i wanted to learn and have been paying subscription fees for that course since 10 years and i can barely understand the language as i havent used it sincerely.

Although i am in front my computer desk, with a mechanical keyboard that produces music like noise while typing, i am staring at my phone and looking for content.. realizing just a day before i had uninstalled all the social media applications where i used to distribute my free time so freely which actually were not free at all, but i thought were free and unlimited resources.

I found LinkedIn was not uninstalled, i open the application and scroll through it to see the latest feeds.

Life is good, i see feeds of people posting their achievements, someone just got their dream job, somone just completed their certification, someone posting funny memes haha (note at the bottom) someone successfully funded the new venture with record time for record number if dollars. Dollars, millions of dollars made, so happy to see those.

Somewhere inside me (perhaps in mind) i start to feel guilty, if only i acted on my plans, if only i had implemented that idea, if only i had enough time, if only i had enough money. The feeling of ‘not having enough’ is constant now, i am having that feeling again after a long time now, it was yesterday night that i felt that way.

My heart wants to take the lead now and i allow it. I start to feel different, money isnt what i need, money can never bring happiness. I have not been able to achieve things because i wanted those things as i thought there is lot of money in it. But like many things in my life i have been happier only when i followed my heart which most of the time had nothing to do with money.

Indirectly, looking at other people succeeding i had only associated it to money (because thats what they write). He made X amount if dollars, he must be so happy. How shallow my thoughts are. Is it me? Or is it all the content i have been consuming that made me think so? It is no doubt, it is the content i have been consuming but i am the owner of my decisions, so i blame me.

If only i dont look at other people and compare myself (subconsciously), i would say i am living a life better than kings of past. (Example, someone had to open doors for kings in the past, for me, i just walk and the doors opens automatically, how royal)

Pure water to drink, uninterrupted electricity, heavy traffic (sorry, not in this list), living in a safe community, working for a company that treats me like a human and provides me with great work life integration (read it as ‘work life balance’), pretty much all the materialistics things i could own.

And a beautiful family. May they live a life full of happiness with great health.

I realize everything i do is to provide a better life for my family, but if i am not giving them ‘me’ and my time, does it still count?

Also, if you cant be happy and content with what you have, you never will be happy after achieving what you want to achieve.

Happiness is in the things that you already have. If you keep looking at what you dont have… ‘ im thinking of the right word.. still thinking….. hmm failed to get one ‘, but i hope you get me.


Oh wait, about the mechanical keyboard that produces beautiful noise. The reason i bought that was, i loved typing using it. Thought that will motivate me in writing stuffs i wanted to write (technically it is still typing), here i am, sitting in front of desk that i bought so i could work standing, typing this entire stuff from my mobile phone.

Again reiterates, happiness is in things we own, but how will you be happy if you dont use the things with the same love you had before buying it.

(hey Mr X, whoever posted meme in LinkedIn, i know others have already warned you not to post memes, this is professional network, go post it in facebook, not here etc – i say do what you feel is best according to you with an intention to make other and yourself happy)

Ok.. now. THE END


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